So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
