theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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