i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
