So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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