I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
