We're like a lot better than the average bears
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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