i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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