I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
