You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize