I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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