Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
