He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
