I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
