I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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