I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize