EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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