You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
