...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
