Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
