i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
