i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sober January is a disaster.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize