Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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