Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
