he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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