So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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