I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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