READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ladies don't puke and tell
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
