I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
