HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
