I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
