hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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