weddingsv make me drug and hornr
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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