also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
