So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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