dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
