Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
