I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
