I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
