i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
