How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
