We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
farters have to be the big spoon...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
