highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
