Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
