Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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