know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i've created a new STD.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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