We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
