i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
