I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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