Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
