We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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