There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
