I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize