Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize