Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
