There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
