Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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