once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
