I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i will never coherently bang her
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
