Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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