She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize