I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
