Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
