why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
