Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
did you just send me my own nude
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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