Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
