If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
