Whats the glycemic index on semen?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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