you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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