My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize