We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
