I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
