The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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